Rarely does anyone get a glimpse into the mind of a person willing to kill.
A videotape, released exclusively to Eyewitness News 4 yesterday, does just that.
Ricky Rodriguez killed a woman in his Tucson apartment 10 days ago. Rodriguez then killed himself.
He left behind a disturbing videotape confession trying to justify his actions.
Ricky Rodriguez never led a normal life. From the time of his birth, Rodriguez was a member of a religious sect known then as the "Children of God."
It's widely reported the group encouraged sex between adults and children. In this videotape, recorded the night before Rodriguez killed 51-year-old Angela Smith in his Tucson apartment, Rodriguez documented his plan.
He loaded bullets into magazines and talked about what led him down this dark path toward murder and suicide.
He says, "That infamous teen training, teen training I started thinking wow how could I do it."
Reportedly, n this sect, "teen training" involved teenage girls and children, including his own sister, selected on a rotating basis to have sex.
Rodriguez says, "She was a (expletive) 6-year-old for God sake! (expletive) animals! I hate those (expletive)! They're going to (expletive) get it if I have anything to do with it."
And if they weren't being sexually abused, Rodriguez claimed they were beaten.
He talks about the abuse his sister endured. "I admired her so much for her bravery because she just left (expletive) Ukraine. She had one meal a day. Sometimes not even that, her friends would feed her. "
"She calls me sometimes, tells me stuff she is going thru. It breaks my heart cuz I want to help her and there's nothing I can do. It's all up here. The damage has been done. "
Rodriguez' widow, who is fearful of being identified, believes her husband committed murder that night after Smith, his former nanny from the sect, mentioned his sister.
"He said she made a very cold comment and that basically he said she was blaming (identity withheld) for the way she turned out it was her fault she didn't move on with her life.."
A spokesperson for the religious sect told CNN yesterday that Smith was never Rodriguez' nanny and had never abused him.